Monday, January 21, 2013

Cancer Scare (not me)

This week I have been fearful of the unknown in a whole new way.  My wife had some blood tests come back that may be indicative of a rare form of cancer.  This initiated a cat scan and of course the fear of the unknown.

I am embarrassed to say but my first thoughts were for myself.  I have become dependent on my wife in more than just the physical way she takes care of me.  Being sick is isolating by its nature and I in need of her in an emotional and psychological way that for me is unprecedented.

This is my third marriage and I have a few serious relationships outside of those three marriages as well  (Despite reports to the contrary I have not married everyone I have dated).  During those relationships I always kept my emotional distance from these people that I was "sharing" my life with.

My physical dependence on my wife has broken down those walls and I share my life in more complete way than ever before, I may even admit that I lean on her emotionally.  I call her Saint and she does not take it seriously but she carries the weight of both of us on her shoulders and it is something I could not do.

The results have finally come back from her CT scan and I can finish this post that I hopefully entitled cancer scare is just that a cancer scare.  A wave of relief has passed over us both.  As always life goes on but I will certainly make sure that when I can spend time with her that I will slow down and enjoy every minute.