Monday, September 16, 2013

Stress probably not helping much

My friend from my disability insurance company has called again with a series of veiled threats and insinuations.  I have broken down and contacted a few lawyers and probably will end up employing one to deal with the insurance company.  I feel weak and beaten down.  I think of myself generally speaking as strong take care of business kind of fellow.  In fact some people have even referred to me as an asshole and hard to deal with.  Three years into being seriously ill I do not have the mental strength to deal with much of anything.

I am trying to think about it in terms that I will be helping the economic recovery but that is not really making me feel better.  Infirmity of the mind and spirit seem to follow infirmity of the body.  I would not say I am feeling sorry for myself but pretty damn close and what keeps from the dark deep well of self pity?  My wife and her care and comfort shine a light that keeps the darkness away.  It is cliche and honestly sounds trite to me and I am the one writing it but there is truth there that if you have traveled the slow sick painful road to death with somebody that walks it with you gladly you know what I am talking about.