Tuesday, March 25, 2014

What to blog about today? (Something light no more heavy stuff please)

I have talked in the recent past about some heavy topics, so heavy there will be no recap because I do not want to ruin the light mood I am here to fore creating.  I really enjoyed the some of the words I used in that sentence.  To the question in the title, maybe my sense of humor and lack of filter?

I have a great sense of humor, I mean I am funny.  Is there an objective measure to this?  No, in fact the only metric I am using is how often I make myself laugh and let me tell you that is a lot, no really I crack myself up.  How do other people react to what I think is funny?  That is a mixed bag.  I think it would be safe to assume that since I have been married three times that at least those three women were able to if nothing else tolerate my humor.  I am going to extrapolate from there and say since I am not physically attractive and by no means wealthy or even well off that my sense of humor is part of what attracts women to me.  There are other things but I am going out on a limb here and say that my funny bone is part of the package that entices women into my lair.  I am not sure if I mixed metaphors just then but it was bad and I am not sure if it is bad in a funny way or just bad.

When I first began to actively pursue the eighth wonder of the world (women) people immediately thought I was funny.  Unfortunately at that time the humor was for the most part unintentional.  Then and now I lack a normal understanding of what is going on in most/some social circumstances.  Unless someone is threatening me or has threatened me in the past I am not intimidated.  This sounds like I am bragging but no I am not.  Ninety percent of the time it is a minus to not have any caution or a fear filter as I like to call it.  It does sound counter intuitive that lacking fear is a bad thing but being intimidated is usually a good thing at a first meeting or a second meeting or a meeting where you do not understand the social norms.  Yes I am building to something be patient grasshopper, I am trying to be concise and failing. 

Fear has evolved in humans for a reason and the fear filter as I call it has an important purpose in allowing us a society to have nice things.  There is nothing wrong with being afraid or some might use the word concerned but I think in this context they are interchangeable and we just say concerned because we do not want to look weak.  Any way there is nothing wrong with being concerned about negative consequences and avoiding them. 

Here comes the funny story, at the time the story I told was not funny but I think twenty years later it is funny in the context of the retelling but let me know.

When I was twenty years old I had been married for a couple of years and my wife at the time was generous enough to pay for me to go to college while she worked.  I was going to a community college and had a grade point average that entitled me to free tuition.  As stated in previous posts I am smart but again not smarter than the smart guy smart so even though I was getting straight A's it must be stated that regardless of whatever a teacher tells you they will grade on a curve even if it is subconscious and just because you shine compared to other students.  I do not think it is arrogant to say that I did shine compared to most students there.  While the stereotype of the community college as a bunch of stoners and underachievers that could not get into a real college is far from accurate it was not the Ivy League either.

Just a side note here, it looks like it is really hard for me to be concise and tell a story in a short form or we could even say a short story is not a tool I possess and is beyond my ability.  Now back to our story.

Since I was the cream of the crop at the community college I was also asked to join an honor society called Phi Theta Kappa and I did join.  I have a hard time saying no to women and when I was twenty it was even harder for me to say no than it is now.  An attractive single mother encouraged me to join the local chapter and although I had no intent and there was no chance of any kind of physical interaction with her beyond I hand shake I still did not say no regardless of the fact I had no interest in an honor society no matter how good it would look on applications to other colleges.

After I joined I found out that most of the members of Phi Theta Kappa at the community college were women, at least the active members that I actually saw were women.  I was asked to join a committee by a woman and I did not say no to that either.  My memory fails as to the exact purpose of the committee but it had something to do with a service project for young adults still in high school and junior high.

Now I will paint the scene.  We were in some kind of multipurpose room at the community college discussing these young adults and the issues that they were facing.  I had just read an interesting article about how young women in Utah county, Utah were having anal sex and oral sex at increased rates compared to previous generations.  I think that is probably enough painting but I should mention one more thing.  This was before the internet was a readily available user friendly porn delivery system.  This is back in the day when you had to use Unix shells to access the internet and things like gopher, telnet and multi user dungeons were really cool things.  The point is that young women in Utah country were not learning about anal and oral sex from watching porn on the internet.  They wanted to stay pure for their husbands, crazy I know.

Side note, to get porn delivered via the internet was not an easy task even for the computer literate of the time.  In my opinion that is why internet exploded and became user friendly, non computer literate people needed to get porn from the internet.

Back to the story and seriously I need to work on being more concise, seriously!  Myself and some single moms from Phi Theta Kappa are sitting around a table discussing young adults and the troubles they were facing compared to the troubles we faced as young adults.  I spoke because I lacked a well developed fear filter and I did not consider the consequences.  The content in my head began to flow from my mouth.  I had just read an article about teens and I thought I should share it with the group and share I did.  I told six single moms that it was fascinating to me that the young adults were having anal sex and oral sex in order to maintain their virginity.

I was sincerely fascinated and I began to elaborate my position to the six moms.  I indicated that when I was in high school it was easier to get a girl to sleep with you than it was to get a blow job.  Now that is not a direct quote but it is pretty close and I am sure that I said blow job and not oral sex, I just said blow job.  To continue my point I also stated that nobody ever had anal sex.  I guess it is a small blessing that I did not say butt sex or use some colorful expletive but it was a small blessing.  I had now stated the differences between now and then as far as sexual norms and so I finished by saying I could not understand why these people considered themselves virgins even though they had oral and anal sex.

At this point there six sets of eyes staring at me, not blankly but I am not sure how else to describe it.  They were staring at me intently and it was not good.  One of the moms present did speak up and say that was strange and then I was never invited to another meeting and they did their best to avoid me.  Punchline delivered, funny?