Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Write The Blogs That Make The Whole World Sing

I wrote this blog a while ago but a visit from my cousin (this blog post is definitely not about them) has prompted me to post it.

I have written this blog once a week for nineteen months religiously or close enough for the girls I date. That line makes me nostalgic for the misogyny of my youth but I will try to keep the regressions to a minimum today. I did have other blogs but I did not attend to them with any regularity but this blog, this blog I have written a post every week for nineteen months, give or take a week here or there.  I am pretty sure I only missed one week but in case I was wrong I did not want to give some anal retentive reader something to be anal retentive about.

In the course of time it has gone from a blog that only about twenty of my "Facebook Friends" a week read to a blog that is now read by an average of sixty different people every week and out of the sixty only about ten of them come to the blog through Facebook.  I wont bore you with a further drill down of the readership of my blog other than to say sometimes I do get as many as one hundred unique visitors a week, my vanity is appeased.

What is the point of the first two paragraphs?  Wasn't I supposed to include a thesis somewhere in the beginning somewhere?  I don't know, I consider it a great leap forward for me that I now proofread my posts before publishing.  A point, maybe not the point, but a point is coming next.  I write this blog for personal catharsis and I hope that my catharsis can help someone going through a similar circumstance.  I have said that before but that is not originally why I started this blog.

I started this blog because my family has a problem with communication.  I would tell one relative my current status and just like the children's game telephone by the time I would hear it back from a different relative it would be distorted, sometimes it made me laugh and sometimes it made me cry.  I am hesitant to bring up the second reason but I have always been honest in this forum on if I start writing in regards to who might be offended this blog would go from a source of relief to a source of stress.

The second reason I started this blog was also because of my family.  My family can be passive aggressive, martyrish, and narcissistic and I don't mean that in a good way.  I will just come out and say it, sometimes my family can be assholes and I don't mean that in a good way either.  There is a lot of anger here and I am a little apprehensive about tapping in for fear of what might come out.

Let us just start with a few facts, hopefully I am sounding like a dickhead, that is what I am going for.  Fact one I am not sorry I did not call you personally to give you an account of the latest happenings, I only have so much energy and making sure some narcissist is satisfied that I told them and not someone else about my health travails or at a minimum told them first or at least the same day is often not possible.  In person and on the phone I have had family accuse me of being a liar.  They just can not accept that I did not have the energy to call them, how is it possible I did not have the energy to call them, it is possible and I would appreciate some empathy and understanding (I come by being an asshole legitimately, I come from a long line of assholes and some days I am surrounded by assholes).  What I get is an attack that my lack of calling and communication is a intentional slight and how could I attack them, how could I do that to them?

It did that because I do not care about, your fears are correct, I do not like and I have never liked you.  My entire illness is a fabrication in order to give me cover while I continue to slight you at every turn.  I hope this admission gives you some peace.  Sidenote: there might be some that would say this blog post is passive aggressive and why didn't I tell people directly?  In response all I can say is if you think this blog post is about you it is.

PS If you want to know how I am doing send me a message or call and stop being a dick.