Thursday, August 28, 2014

The Streak Has Been Broken (A World Of Hurt)

The past couple of months have been rough.  It has been physically, emotionally but not spiritually difficult.  In a reflection of that difficulty this post will be short but it will be posted.  I am feeling guilt for not having kept my streak of a post every week alive.  I hope to delve into that in a future post but I am not sure I will live long enough to have the necessary psychotherapy to extract or get to the bottom of the deep black well of guilt that lies at the center of my soul.

Three months ago I started seeing a new rheumatologist.  A smart, funny and caring doctor and that is a rare thing.  I can hear the gears turning out there and I know my audience is thinking this sounds promising how is he going to bitch about this?  Here we go, there was a problem.  She does not think that my list of complaints is caused by sarcoidosis.  She thinks that I have fibromyalgia that is untreated combined with side effects from the drugs I am taking for sarcoidosis.

Besides the new rheumatologist I see four other doctors of various specialities on a regular basis.  None of these four doctors think she is correct.  I personally do not think she is correct.  This is relevant because the new rhumie wanted me to ween me off of all my sarcoidosis drugs with a few exceptions and start a drug for  fibromyalgia.  Now although I think the new rhumie is wrong I think she is intelligent, caring, thoughtful and just keep adding positive adjectives so I agreed to stop the sarc drugs and start the fibro drugs.

That was three months ago and I am now off the sarc drugs and taking the fibromyalgia drugs.  Soooo a few things have become apparent, if I have fibromyalgia these drugs are not working at all and I may not have sarcoidosis but the drugs I was taking for sarcoidosis did do something.  I mean when I was on the sarc drugs I felt completely awful and I was about to say read previous blog posts but I am really not sure what I have mentioned in the past and what I have not.  Soooo again I will say I was in a sorry sad state when I was on the sarc drugs and now that I am off the sarc drugs I will say that I really long for the sorry sad state and if I get back to that I will savor it and enjoy it just a little more.