Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Your So Vain I Bet You Think This Blog Is About You, Don't You?

I thought about starting this blog off in what I think would have been a hilarious way, it would have gone like this:

Yes, that is the answer.  Yes every blog post I have ever written has been about you.

I stopped myself.  Most of my posts are just my feeling and thoughts at the time they are written and what I mean by that is I do not usually have specific intention when I write.  This time I have a specific intention so be forewarned I do not anticipate it being funny or poignant.

Three times that I know of someone has been deeply offended by what I have written about them.  Only once have my words been about the person that was offended.  Before I continue I should mention that I am guessing that this happens much more than I think and most people seethe and do not confront me, the thought of that makes me sad.  At this point in my life I would hope to not cause any unintended suffering. Alright back to the topic at hand.

The two people that I did not mean to offend thought that my words had implications that they did not.  I would like to say I never imply or use subtext when I communicate.  My mother was a master of implications and subtext, speaking with her was always a chess match and unfortunately my mother's genius exceeds my above average intelligence and she would win, at least most of the time.  I spent my childhood in a cloud of words and I never had any security or trust.  With that history in mind I have done my best not to never imply or use subtext, now of course I can not deny I am influenced by my subconscious and I can not say I never ever use them but I try, I try real hard.

I have brought my fair share of people to tears and for the sake of this I will leave out everyone I ever dated but my current wife but unfortunately that still leaves a long list of folks.  For most of my young adult life and "mature" adult life I have handled disputes by getting angry and telling people exactly what I think.  I thought this was the alternative to my mother's methods.  Getting sick and finally feeling overwhelmed to the point where I was willing to seek therapy and by getting that therapy I came to realize a few things.

First and foremost my logic hammer can not beat someone into seeing the truth.  People perceive reality through their minds and their minds often do not use logic.  To that end I am learning to take a breath and think will things be "better" after I have spoken.  Second and second most I have learned that when your only conflict resolution skill is angry yelling people think you are an asshole.  I have learned other things but those two are really important.

To all my faithful readers I guarantee this: I will not write a blog post about you that contains anything I have not said to your face, well probably to your digital face because I am homebound but you get the drift.  For all those who for whatever reason did not get the drift I say this, if you are not sure if a blog post is about you, it is not about you.  I am learning to take a breath.  I have not been a 100% at taking breaths, meaning I still have no filter and if I am mad at you or think you have done me wrong I will tell you to your face, probably loudly.