Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Did Conan Really Know What is Best In Life? (There Will Be No Discussions Of Cats)

Picture if you will in the theater of your mind Arnold Schwarzenegger in his seminal movie role as Conan The Barbarian, that is if you are too lazy to use Google and YouTube because the scene I am describing is on the Interwebs, but again if you are too lazy picture it in the theater of your mind...
Conan has been training to be a warrior for a while and he is sitting in the lotus position on a table where his teachers or trainers or masters or whatever they are eating and don't ask me why he is sitting in lotus position on a table where people are eating and a little side note Conan is not eating.  Recap real quick Conan is sitting in the Lotus position while his "masters" are eating around of him, some by his bum and some by his feet.  Another side note here that I did not direct this film or adapt the book into a screenplay and side note to a side note the books are good and I know it is a cliche but the books are much better than the movies.

Now that I have set the creepy Tableau one of the teachers asks the students in attendance and of course Conan is one of these, side note, none of the other students are sitting on the table in any position. The teacher or trainer or Sensei  or whoever the Hell this guy is asks the students 'What is best in life?" and the first guy is like it is my hunting hawk and the wind and snow and the next guy is like hot meal and a cold woman, at this point I have to admit I don't really remember exactly what the other students say but it is crap like that and then we get to Conan.

Conan says "To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."  When you are right, you are right and it is hard to argue against Conan's sound logic and the logic Conan uses here is sound.  It is a little Old Testament and I am more of a New Testament kind of guy, but I do not see any flaws in the logic.  I lived by this philosophy for part of my life but then I found Jesus and then I got sick and well... 

Well, today I am not really in a position to crush my enemies, see them driven before me or to hear the lamentation of their women because if I have any enemies left they do not have any women to lament them, on second thought if there are any enemies left they probably still live in their mother's basement and I am sure she would lament them being crushed but that does not change the fact I am not in a position to crush any enemies.  Since I am unable to follow the way of Conan and thereby follow the way of Crom, I must find a new philosophy for day to day living.

Side note:  I see that I did not use the correct tense at certain points above and I also switched tenses for no apparent reason at times.  For the record it is all past tense and by Crom, I am not spending the time to fix it

All sarcasm and exaggeration aside (at least for the most part) I do not miss the days of my youth, but I do miss Conan and building computers out of boxes (they did not work) and reading sci-fi books from the 50's recommended by my youngest uncle.  My uncle also taught me to play chess and backgammon and I appreciate that he never let me win.  People say youth is wasted on the young, I am sure it has been attributed to Mark Twain, but quotes can never be verified anymore without work, I would say that healthy is wasted on the healthy.

Computers made of boxes do not make me happy anymore and my deficit in problem solving and vanity make it much less likely that I will play games that require strategy like chess or backgammon.  Now before you get too far down the well and find that girl from The Ring I have found other things that bring me joy, maybe not that joy of a child but I find joy where I can.  I like blogging and I am even getting better at is as time goes on and  there is the company of my wife, which I do not truly appreciate until I became sick and there is Mass.

Once a week (twice if there is a Holy Day Of Obligation) I go to Mass at a beautiful cathedral and there are friendly parishioners who are glad to see me when I am there and miss me when I am not.  I was an atheist, a deist, an evangelical Christian and now I am on my way to being Roman Catholic and all I can say is I wish I had not required my own struck blind moment to make that leap of faith and I wish I could tell you it is all rainbows and unicorns as one of my friends is fond of saying but it isn't.

Everyone morning I say the following prayer:

O Jesus,
through the Immaculate Heart of Mary,
I offer You my prayers, works, joys
and sufferings of this day,
in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the
Mass throughout the world,
for all the intentions of your Sacred Heart,
in reparation for my sins
and for the intentions our Holy Father.

Some days the offering up of suffering goes better than others.